Interludes
by MarigoldMusings
Summary: Tuckson deals with adversity and works on their relationship. OCs Brooke and Sarah will show up from time to time.
1. Chapter 1

_I borrowed my OC Brooke from A Perfect Surprise for this one. Takes place after Perfect Surprise Chapter 16, but I didn't feel like it fit that story's theme. Thanks to JennBenson for the idea!_

 **Interlude I:** _ **Alarm**_

Olivia blindly felt around for her phone. The alarm pinged incessantly, insisting she get up, but the SVU Lieutenant resisted. She spent most of the night propped against pillows, trying to sleep half-sitting up in order to relieve the pressure on her congested sinuses. Now she burrowed herself completely under the down comforter, fending off the bright sunlight.

Ed and Olivia, content and excited to finally have a wedding date set, could not bask in the bliss for long. In the days after Sarah and Jeff's visit, a nasty virus invaded the apartment and the three of them were at various stages of battling the cold. Noah seemed to be on the mend and was well enough to go back to day care, Ed was constantly blowing his nose but insisted he was fine, and Olivia, in addition to being stuffed up, also had a horrible cough.

"Are you gonna turn off the phone?" Ed grumbled.

Olivia coughed, grunted, and kept searching.

Annoyed, Ed reached over to her side of the bed and extracted the device from between two pillows. He hit snooze and muttered, "Eight more minutes."

Another cough.

"Why don't you stay home today?"

"I can't. Subway guy keeps assaulting people, so…"

"You have detectives."

"We're still down a sarge."

"Fin?"

"He's refusing to take the test."

"Rollins?"

"I told her I would support her, but she hasn't registered. So, I'll probably get a new guy and he'll probably be, oh, I don't know, the _governor's_ son or something."

"I don't think Cuomo has a son."

 _I wasn't speaking literally._

"Ok," she groaned. "I'm up."

Ed opened his eyes and, although he thought Olivia was usually the epitome of beauty, he couldn't help but cringe a little. Her face blazed with signs of illness—red nose, droopy eyes, sallow complexion.

"You really should stay home."

"Do I look that bad?"

"You want politeness or honesty?"

"Honesty."

"You look like you're sick."

She threw off the covers, "It'll be better after I shower." She steadied herself against the nightstand, "Ugh, I'm dizzy."

…..

"The last assault occurred on the N Train right before the Times Square stop." Fin stood in front of the large screen where the squad had been plotting the Subway groper's reported attacks. Since he'd escalated to following victims home, the crimes had taken on an additional degree of urgency. "He held something, the victim guessed a box cutter or the handle of a gun, to her back."

"Rush hour," Carisi added, "The train was packed. She thought it was just someone trying to get on or off at first."

"And after?" Olivia asked. "How'd he flee so easily?"

"As soon as he got off the train he bolted," Fin answered.

Olivia blew her nose.

Carisi was concerned. "You ok, Lieutenant?"

"I'm fine. Fin, let's go down there."

"You know, Lieutenant," Carisi called after her as she went to grab her coat, "my mother has the best recipe for chicken soup. I'll have her make you some."

Fin and Olivia made the short drive to Times Square and headed into the sprawling Subway station to canvass vendors.

"Most of these guys are here all day and night," Fin said, "Maybe they'll give us something. Right now, we don't have much other than height. One victim said the guy was white, another said he was Hispanic."

Olivia brooded. "Great. And he picks the busiest stations. Times Square. Union Square. Grand Central. Nothing from the cams?"

"Not much. He covers his face. Always wears a hood."

The two of them interviewed several kiosk clerks and booth attendants but most people, having been subjected to dozens of police interrogations about Subway crime, responded apathetically. Frustrated, Fin and Olivia stomped up the stairs.

"Unfortunately," Olivia sniffled and dug in her pocket for a tissue, "We'll have to wait. We'll flood the stations with UCs and unis."

Fin shrugged.

"HELP! HELP! GET HIM!"

A touristy-looking woman pointed frantically in the direction of a costumed character who fled on foot in the opposite direction of the Subway station. Immediately, two nearby patrol officers gave chase as did Fin and Olivia. Another officer tried to calm the woman. The man headed west and Fin shouted to inform the others he was circling around the next block to try and cut him off. The assailant, encumbered by his heavy costume, jettisoned it as he ran, leaving a trail of Mickey Mouse garb and accessories along the route.

Olivia followed him down 45th Street and radioed that the suspect made a left turn onto Eighth Avenue. She maneuvered around parked cars, crossed the street, and continued the pursuit. As she rounded the corner something sharp pierced her left arm. She immediately went for her gun.

…..

Tucker, who felt worse than he let on, sunk into his chair and flipped through some paperwork. He alternated between sipping Alka-Seltzer-infused water and coffee. Olivia tried to get him to try some tea, but he hated it. He thought about Olivia as he absent-mindedly paged through the files. Their morning had not ended well. While Olivia was in the shower, Ed made himself a cup of coffee and assumed she would get hers on the outside on her way to work. She rarely had coffee at home during the week. When she came into the kitchen and saw his cup, she frowned.

"Did you make the water for my tea?"

Tucker was confused. "Huh?"

"I asked you to put water on for me."

"You did?"

She went back to the bathroom in a huff. When she came back out she was fully clothed, shield, gun, and all.

"Liv, I didn't hear you, I—"

She cut him off. "I have to go. See you tonight." She kissed Noah on the head and left without paying any attention to Ed. He heard her violently coughing on her way to the elevator.

Tucker's office phone and cell phone rang at the same time, interrupting his replay of the morning's tension. Both calls were from the Midtown North Precinct. He opted for the office phone and muttered into the handset.

"Tucker."

The precinct's Captain was on the other line. It was not good news. Ed hung up the phone and called Cole.

"Sergeant, perp hung himself at Midtown North."

"Again?" Draper asked incredulously. It was the second fatality at the precinct in a month. The first was a result of a scuffle and the officers were easily cleared. Based on the Captain's terse and cryptic description, this one was probably more complicated.

Tucker tossed Draper his keys and blew his nose. "You drive."

Cole scrutinized his Captain's blotchy face and watery eyes. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Day care germs?"

"Most likely."

…..

Mickey Mouse, winded and sensing he was cornered, had been lying-in-wait hidden in a service entrance doorway. He refused to go down without a fight. After cutting Olivia's arm, he lurked on the sidewalk and threateningly wielded a short kitchen knife. Passersby screamed and scattered. Olivia held the radio with her injured arm and called in her location. Fin and at least a half-dozen other officers descended on the scene and shouted orders for the man to drop the knife.

The man spun around, eyes crazed, hair disheveled, and his street clothes torn and dirty. Many homeless men made a living by dressing up as cartoon characters and posing with tourists for pictures in Times Square, and Olivia assumed he was a member of the unsavory element who had recently become notorious for swiping valuables, threatening violence, and inappropriately touching children.

Olivia's arm was throbbing and she felt the blood seeping from the wound and running down her arm. At first she assumed it was a minor cut, but she was beginning to feel light-headed and she felt the increased weight of her soaked sleeve. Fin noticed it, too. He stepped gingerly around the circle of officers who were still trying to coax the weapon out of Mickey's hands.

"Liv, you ok?"

"Yes." She held the Glock with both hands now.

"I don't think you are."

"I'm fine."

"You're bleeding."

"Let's get him into custody." Olivia joined the chorus of officers screaming "DROP THE KNIFE!"

Fin ignored her. "Hey! We got an injured officer here. Call a bus!"

"I'm fine!" Olivia insisted.

More officers arrived. Finally, the man conceded defeat and let go of the knife.

Fin held her arm. "Liv? We need to get you to the hospital." He radioed again for an ambulance.

Olivia looked down and examined her arm. The gray sleeve, from the elbow to wrist, was now marred with a dark stain. Droplets of blood ran down Olivia's hand and dripped on the sidewalk.

"Liv, you don't look so good, c'mon." Fin put a protective arm around her. With the assailant in cuffs and on his way to the precinct, a few officers huddled around them.

"It's just my cold. I'm sick."

"And stabbed. C'mon. The bus is pulling up."

She felt weak and supported herself against him as they walked to meet the EMTs.

…..

At Midtown North, Tucker and Draper consulted with the Medical Examiner.

"Looks like he hung himself," she said matter-of-factly.

"With what?" Ed asked.

"His jacket."

The precinct captain handed an iPad to Draper, and he scowled as he flipped through the photos. Ed looked at him expectantly. Draper shrugged. Unless the autopsy suggested the suicide was somehow staged, it didn't look like there was any wrongdoing.

Tucker addressed the Captain, "We're going to need to talk to the arresting officers and the intake staff."

"Now?"

"They have forty-eight hours, but…news travels fast. The sooner the better."

The Captain motioned for the IAB investigators to follow him into his office. "Have a seat," he said. "I'll get them in here, but I know they'll want to wait for a delegate."

Draper and Tucker were left alone and the staccato transmissions from the Captain's radio filled the air. Ed looked miserable and pressed his hands to his face.

"I can handle this," Cole said, "Why don't you go home?"

Ed didn't answer because the last clipped radio message caught his attention.

 _SVU to Central, we need a bus, 45_ _th_ _and Eighth, officer injured._

 _10-13, officer injured, en route to Bellevue._

Ed thought about his last text message exchange with Olivia. He had just dropped Noah off at day care and was checking on her. Sick and crabby, they hadn't parted ways on the best of terms that morning and he regretted leaving without saying his usual tender goodbye. However, Olivia seemed unfazed and their last exchange was amiable:

 _Going to Times Square, yay, I'm sure that will help my pounding head._

 _Take something and go home early_ , he sent back.

 _Maybe. Love you._

He got a terrible, sinking feeling in his gut. Officer injured. Very close to Times Square. There were a million other possibilities, but Ed intuitively knew it was her. Frantically, he sent her a text but immediately changed his mind and called her.

"What's wrong?" Draper asked, noticing his partner's agitation.

"Olivia was on the job near that location that just came in on the radio."

No answer.

 _Damn_.

"They said Bellvue," Draper reminded him, not bothering to mention how unlikely it was that the injured cop was Olivia, "Why don't you just go on over there?"

Ed jumped up, caught the keys Cole tossed to him, and left for the hospital. He didn't know it, but Mickey Mouse was being escorted to holding just as he departed the precinct.

….

In the ambulance, Olivia was in and out of consciousness. Fin kept talking, but the combination of blood loss, cold medicine, and exhaustion overwhelmed her. He called Rollins who was poring over surveillance footage with Carisi. She put Fin on speaker.

"Hey, Liv's been stabbed. She's fine, but she's gotta get stitched up. We're on our way to Bellevue."

"Stabbed where?" Rollins asked.

"Times Square."

"No, where on her body?"

"Just below the elbow."

"Did it hit any arteries?" Carisi asked.

Fin peered at the EMT who was applying pressure to the wound. It looked like he'd stopped the blood flow. "I don't think so."

"That's good."

Olivia woke up just then and mumbled something.

"What's that, Liv?"

She closed her eyes without responding.

"I'm gonna call Captain Tucker," Carisi announced.

Fin managed a smile as he heard Rollins tease Carisi about having Tucker's number saved in his cell phone contacts.

"Hey man," Fin got the attention of the EMT, "she ok?"

"She's fine," he replied in a steady voice. "Blood pressure is getting back to normal. We just need to get her cleaned up and sutured."

Rollins was still on the line. "What happened?"

"Not related to the Subway assaults. One a those cartoon goons took a lady's purse and ran. We followed him, but he was waiting around a corner and sliced Liv when she ran by."

"Captain Tucker's already on his way!" Carisi called.

Fin hung up. "Almost there, Liv. Hang in there."

….

Tucker ran into the emergency room seconds after the doctors wheeled Olivia in to be examined. Fin was on the phone in a corner with his back turned towards the entrance, so he didn't see Ed right away, but Tucker found him and wasted no time with pleasantries or an apology for interrupting the phone call.

"Detective, where is Olivia?"

Fin wanted to be annoyed, but he excused the Captain's brusqueness. Fin still thought the Olivia-Ed pairing was odd, but he knew he would be crazy with worry if he were in Tucker's shoes.

"Lemme call you back," Fin spoke into the phone. "They just took her in to get checked out."

Ed searched Fin's body for blood, but he was clean. When Carisi called him and confirmed the injured officer was Olivia he nearly collapsed under the weight of the devastating possibilities. Was she shot? Dead already? How was it fair that their life together was just getting started and she was swept away from him? As Carisi continued the explanation, Ed calmed down, but not completely.

"What happened?"

Fin detailed the events leading up to the attack.

"Why didn't you get her outta there right away?"

Fin tried to remain sympathetic, "I couldn't tell what happened right away, Captain. She had her gun drawn. I didn't see anything until I got closer to her. You know Liv."

"And she had her coat on…" Tucker thought out loud, realizing he'd been too harsh on Detective Tutuola.

 _Still, that was his fiancée._

Ed fidgeted nervously, unable to handle the uncertainty. He wanted to do something, but waiting was the only option. That, and further questioning Fin.

"Did it look like she lost a lot of blood?"

"I thought so, but the EMT didn't seem too concerned."

Ed didn't think that was worth much. "Was she conscious?"

"In and out at first, but he got her blood pressure up. She was awake and talking when they took her in."

"Do they know she's been sick? Probably dehydrated? And I don't know what she took this morning."

"That's what she was tellin' 'em on the way in."

Ed fell silent and paced nervously although the dread he felt earlier had mostly dissipated. After what seemed like hours, a doctor emerged. "Detective?"

Fin and Tucker snapped to attention. Fin introduced Tucker, "This is the Lieutenant's fiancée."

The doctor shook Ed's hand, "Hello, sir. She's ready for discharge. We had to use internal sutures which is why it took a little while longer. But," he said optimistically, "No nerve or artery damage. If you have to be stabbed in the arm, that's the place for it."

Ed didn't appreciate the doctor's attempt at humor. "Can I see her?"

"Sure, follow me."

Olivia sat up on the bed with a clipboard in her hands. Her left forearm was wrapped with gauze. She was still wearing her blouse, but it was missing a sleeve. The EMT had actually done a fairly careful job of cutting it. Her blazer and coat were slung over the chair and Ed blinked when he saw the stains. _That sure looks like a lot of blood._

She didn't look surprised to see him. "I think my coat is ruined. I love that coat. Burberry."

Ed wrapped her in a tight embrace. "I'm so glad you're ok," he said gruffly.

"Ed, I'm fine. Flesh wound. Initially, I didn't realize I'd been cut so badly."

"You were attacked by a crazed maniac."

"It was a freak thing." Olivia erupted into a brief coughing fit and joked, "What I really need is something stronger for this cold." She pretended to look around for the doctor. "How are you feeling?"

Ed hadn't had time to pay attention to his symptoms. And, _what the hell?_ She's the one with twenty-five stitches in her arm and _she's_ more concerned about his little cold? His eyes narrowed as he peered curiously at her.

"Um, I'm, actually, I'm feeling better. I think."

She checked her watch. "Oh, it's almost five? This took a long time. Let's go get Noah."

"I asked Brooke to pick him up and take him home. I didn't know, uh, what exactly happened."

Olivia finally comprehended how truly terrified he was. "Ed," she said softly, "I thought Carisi called you and told you it wasn't serious?"

He repeatedly shifted his weight from one foot to the other and there was no hiding the anxiety in his face. His voice was shaky, "He did, but…" Ed pulled her close again. Not only did he want to feel her body against him, but he didn't want her to see his watery eyes since the moisture, this time, was definitely not because of the virus. "The first thing he said was that you were on your way to the hospital. You have no idea what went through my mind."

"The worst?"

"Yes. The worst."

She tilted her head back and kissed him. With her thumb she wiped a small tear, just the one had escaped, from the corner of his eye. "Oh… _Ed_ …I'm so sorry."

"For a second I thought I lost you."

"You didn't. I'm right here. And I'm all yours."

"Now I want to kill Carisi."

Olivia giggled through her tears.

"Too dramatic," Ed muttered.

She blew her nose and coughed again, "Let's go home."

…..

Brooke rushed to greet Olivia as soon as she heard the key in the lock.

"Oh my Gawwwd, Olivia! I am so glad to see you!" Brooke hugged Olivia and then punched her father in the shoulder. "You didn't text me back. I had no idea what was going on and I'm trying to act all calm with Noah but I'm _freaking_ out."

"I'm so sorry, Brooke." There was genuine remorse in the apology.

"Well, it turned out to be ok because the detective stopped by to drop off soup for all you sick people, and he brought me up to speed. Oh shit." Brooke grabbed her phone, "I forgot to update Sarah. She's freaking out, too."

"What detective?" Olivia asked as she made her way over to Noah, picked him up, and cuddled with him on the couch. He curiously but gently touched her bandage. "Mommy's ok, baby," she cooed.

"The one Sarah and I met and I talked to the day I dropped off Noah. Hair slicked back? Sonny?"

Ed looked at the two of them suspiciously. "Carisi?"

"Yes. That's the one."

"How long was he here?"

Brooke scoffed at the unnecessary inquisition, "Um, enough time to put the soup on the stove, update me, say hi to Noah, and walk out. Five minutes maybe?"

Olivia erupted into another coughing fit and, almost simultaneously, a series of sneezes overcame Ed. Realizing exactly how drained he was, Ed decided not to ask more questions. He walked into the kitchen and examined the soup. "Looks good."

"He brought a baguette, too. Oh, and I fed Noah."

"That was so nice of Carisi, and thank you for feeding him," Olivia said. She put Noah down and went to change clothes. When she returned she made a big deal of discarding the blouse. "That's ruined," she said ruefully.

Brooke clicked her tongue, "NYPD should reimburse you."

"I know, right?" Olivia cast sad eyes on the coat, "I think that's a total loss, too. But I'll take it to the cleaners anyway."

"Well," Brooke said, "I'm going." She hugged Olivia again, "I'm so glad you're ok. But let me know if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks, Brooke."

"Love you Daddy! Love you Noey!"

Noah was fully engaged with his trains, but he replied, "Love you Bwookey. Bye-bye! See you tomorrow!" Noah probably would not see her tomorrow, but that was this week's favorite phrase.

Ed rubbed her back, "I'm gonna change and then we'll eat?"

"Ok," Olivia replied, "Hopefully he'll go to bed early."

"You go to bed whenever you want. I got him."

Olivia wanted to show her gratitude with kisses and hugs and sex, but she was coughing, blowing her nose, and her new stab wound throbbed more intensely now that the anesthesia had worn off. The amorous thank-you would have to wait. Ed cut the baguette and brought their dinner to the couch.

"You want me to turn on the TV?" He asked.

"No."

"Hey, I'm sorry about this morning."

"For what?"

"I really didn't hear you ask me for the water."

"I know. It was just a bad morning. It wasn't even that bad, but I'm sorry for leaving like that. And we're not feeling well."

"But then…"

" _Ed_."

He persisted, "But then I got that call. What if that would've been the last time we saw each other?"

"Ed, stop thinking like that. It was nothing."

"It wasn't _nothing_."

She put her bowl on the coffee table and faced him. "Stop torturing yourself. Everything's ok."

"Let's just make sure we say goodbye every morning, ok?"

"Ok."

He caressed her cheek, kissed her forehead, and studied her face intently, "We really look like shit."

Olivia laughed at his wisecrack, relieved his dry sense of humor had returned. "Captain, truer words have never been spoken."

"I'm staying home tomorrow to take care of you."

Olivia offered no resistance, "Thank you. That sounds nice."

He put his bowl down and motioned for her to recline against him.

"And, Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you…but, Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

Her initial nonchalance in the hospital room was still bothering him. He failed to comprehend their polar-opposite emotions in the context of such a serious incident. She remained so guarded; he was, albeit briefly, an emotional wreck. "I want you to know…just remind you…that you're not alone anymore."

 _Huh_?

He continued, choosing his words carefully, "It seems like, today, you kind of faced it like you were on your own."

She stared back blankly, processing his words.

 _He's right._

Ed took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. "You don't have to live like no one cares about you anymore. You know that, right?"

Olivia flashed back to the times she'd been asked if there was anyone they could call for her. She thought about leaving emergency contact information lines blank. Then, she saw Tucker's pained expression from earlier and immediately felt guilty.

"I'm so sorry, Ed."

"You don't have to apologize. I know it's a change. But you get to share the good and the bad with me now."

"Thank you for pointing that out. Sometimes I forget…you're so…"

"Good lookin'?" he teased.

"Usually," she joked back, "but like you said…"

Ed finished the sentence, "we look temporarily awful."

"But in love."

"In love," he echoed.

She smiled, rested her head on his chest, clutched a wad of tissues, and closed her eyes.

Both his breathing and his protective embrace soothed her and, within minutes, she was fast asleep.

…


	2. Chapter 2

**Interludes Part II:**

Lindstrom and Olivia sat across from one another in their respective armchairs. The morning sunlight streamed in the otherwise dimly lit office. The Lieutenant, anxious to get back to work, conversed earnestly about recent events. She held nothing back, but still, Lindstrom couldn't help but harbor the tiniest doubt about her sincerity. After all, she'd been less than forthcoming on previous occasions when the object was for him to sign off on her return to SVU.

"No flashbacks? Nightmares?"

"I haven't had a nightmare in months."

"Flashbacks?"

Olivia closed her eyes. She vowed to be completely honest. "Just one, it wasn't really a flashback. On the street yesterday, I was turning the corner and, I broke out into a cold sweat when I saw a homeless guy…sleeping on a stoop."

"And?"

"Deep breaths. And I kept moving."

"That's all?" Lindstrom asked disbelievingly.

"Yes," She replied firmly. "It was a freak thing."

"And Ed? How did he react?"

"He thought I was more seriously hurt at first. He was…shaken."

Lindstrom stared at her for what she thought was an inordinate amount of time. Finally he spoke. "Does that put pressure on you, Olivia? Now you have Noah _and Ed_ who love you and depend on you."

 _Interesting question._

"I don't think so," She thought out loud, "Ed isn't Noah. Noah needs us for everything. With Ed, it's reciprocal. We depend on each other."

 _Balance_.

Lindstrom smiled almost impishly, "I noticed you used 'us' when you talked about Noah."

Olivia didn't see why this was so intriguing, she talked to Lindstrom weekly about everything—Noah, Ed, SVU, Noah calling Ed "daddy." She shrugged, not sure what he was getting at.

"Olivia, all the other times you've talked about Noah, you used the first person. You never talked about you and Ed together, as parents."

"I didn't notice."

"It's a good thing, Olivia," Lindstrom assured her and then got them back on track. "What were you thinking after he stabbed you?"

"I didn't know it was so deep at first. Adrenaline. And I wasn't feeling well anyway, so when I started to get dizzy I thought it was because of the cold. Plus, I'd just sprinted several blocks. Then, my blood pressure dropped and I lost consciousness in the ambulance. I was thinking of Noah and Ed. It wasn't like the hostage situation. I wasn't scared. I just wanted Ed there and I wanted to get to Noah."

Olivia told him about Ed's hospital confession and his brief yet terrifying battle with the idea that she was gone forever. "I felt so bad," she said ruefully, "Carisi, my detective, first told him I'd been injured but didn't explain what happened exactly. I was just ready to get out of there and get Noah and there he was, still…almost shaking."

Lindstrom raised his eyebrows, but there was also a hint of amusement in his face as he made his next point. "When a man shows vulnerability, Olivia, it can be paradigm altering."

She didn't buy the theory. "I would feel the same way."

"Has the dynamic between the two of you changed?"

"No."

"Be prepared, Olivia," Lindstrom advised, "Ed facing the reality that you could be lost to him…it may come back around later on but look like something else. It can be hard for anyone, but especially a man…to admit fear."

Olivia considered this for several minutes. Lindstrom merely flipped through his notes, allowing her to ruminate.

Ed had been doting on her more than usual in the past few days, but she _had_ been stabbed and she was fighting the remnants of the cold. He took charge of the household—either preparing or ordering their meals, looking after Noah, and helping her tend to the wound. Thinking about how tenderly Ed unwrapped and replaced her bandage sent pleasant chills up and down her spine.

"Tell me if it hurts." He said as if he would rather set himself on fire rather than cause her pain.

"It doesn't"

"Too tight?"

The care and concern in his eyes warmed her heart. "No," she said softly.

He secured the white gauze with medical tape. "There you go," He said with finality, but he didn't move away from her. "How ya' feeling?"

"Better. I think the hot toddy helped." Earlier, Ed mixed whiskey, honey, and lemon together, heated it and poured an elixir for each of them.

"Yeah, always works."

"Are you going to kiss me?" She was still slightly congested, but she tried to parlay that into a sultry voice.

"I thought you'd never ask."

"Come here. I miss you."

Ed slid his tongue inside her mouth, tasting the liquor and lemon. He missed her, too. Illness and injury sent them into a week-long sexual hiatus which Ed guessed was probably not so unbearable for most people, but, as far as making love was concerned, they were not "most people." The week felt like months.

At the sound of Lindstrom shifting in his chair, Olivia snapped out of her daydream and responded to his last point. "I love him more now than I ever have," she said, "He trusts me…trusts _us_. He's comfortable. And, that's a good thing, right?"

"Absolutely, Olivia. And he's lucky to have you."

"And vice-versa."

….

Olivia ran a quick errand and called the precinct to check in but decided to take the rest of the day off to relax and hopefully banish the cold once and for all. At home she changed into sweats and heated the last of Carisi's soup. She sent a text to Ed telling him Lindstrom signed off on her psych report freeing her to return to work. It took a while for him to reply which was not unusual. If he was working a case, his phone typically remained in his office. Normally, Olivia would balk at spending a lazy afternoon on the couch, but the mid-December frigidity warranted it and exhaustion still weighed her down. Sleep should have come easily, but her mind bounced from thought to thought.

She and Ed decided to take a few vacation days before and after Christmas, so until then she would be working almost nonstop. After that they would be off the days before and after the wedding. The honeymoon, if they took one, would have to wait. This bothered Olivia. Ed attempted to console her by wisely pinpointing late February as a more opportune time.

"That's the time of year when we're really getting tired of snow and cold, ya know?" He'd said when a bummed-out Olivia came to the conclusion that an immediate vacation would be impossible.

Now craving a little noise, she flipped on the stereo and hit shuffle on Ed's iPod. Olivia tolerated most of his music. She turned the volume low and curled up with the throw blanket. REM chords filled the space; her mind continued to wander.

 _Vacation_.

How wonderful it was to check her accrued leave in the online database and see the numbers noticeably dwindle. Previously, neither she nor Ed spent many days.

 _Married to the job._

The job.

SVU, comparatively speaking, was not as dangerous as other special posts within the NYPD; however, Lindstrom seemed to be alluding to a time in the future when she would feel the risks outweighed her obligation to family. She couldn't imagine Ed would ever ask her to leave her job for a safer assignment. Besides, she was stabbed during an impromptu chase which had nothing to do with SVU's work. The attack could have happened to anyone.

Lindstrom's comment about a paradigm shift also bothered her as did the vague _it may come back around later on but look like something else._ She should have pressed him for more insight. Something else? Like what? Was he predicting Ed would distance himself in an attempt to avoid the devastation that would ultimately ensue if something tragic happened? Why, then, would he be so adamant about marrying her? Would he lash out in other ways? Jealousy?

Aloofness? Either she needed to talk to Ed or go back to Lindstrom's office. Like, tomorrow. The shrink was supposed to help her clear her mind, not further muddle it.

A Face Time call from Sarah interrupted her little self-shrink session.

"Hi Livvieeee!" She sing-songed, "I'm calling to check in. How are you? I'm worried about you! You didn't answer my last text."

Olivia was truly baffled. "I didn't?"

Sarah looked at her phone. "Oh, crap, I typed it but didn't send it. Whoopsie."

Olivia laughed. "I'm fine. Back to work tomorrow."

"How's the cut?"

"The stitches look like they're ready to come out."

"Are you and Dad still sick?"

"We're…" Olivia thought of last night, "definitely much better."

"Good, good." Sarah was still at her office and Olivia could make out parts of the Philadelphia skyline in the distance even though most of the screen was taken up by Sarah's face. She always pressed her mug up close, trying to jump through the screen and touch whoever she was talking to. The next order of business was Olivia's wedding attire. "Do you want me to come and help you shop for a dress this weekend or next?" Sarah offered.

Olivia adored Sarah, but she and Brooke were both getting a little frustrated with her inability to distinguish Ed and Olivia's wedding from her own. There would be no designer wedding dress, no elaborate reception, and certainly no 300-person guest list.

"Sare, I'm not buying anything terribly fancy, but you're always welcome to come."

She still didn't get the hint. "Lemme check with Jeff and I'll let you and Brooke know. But I don't know if she'll want us staying with her."

"Why not?"

Sarah turned her head from side to side as if she were worried someone was listening in. "Well, I think she's got a _man_."

"Really? She hasn't mentioned anything."

As far as secret keeping was concerned, Sarah was as bad as Noah. "I think he's a cop 'cause she said she didn't want Dad to know and she didn't want to tell you because you would feel trapped in the middle."

"She said he's a cop?"

"No, she just said she didn't want Dad to know yet. I put two and two together. She's really private about that stuff." Sarah was self-deprecating, "Not at all like me. I blab about everything in my personal life."

"Is it that Luke guy again?"

"I don't think so. He kinda scared her. He was really, like macho and manly and 'roid rage type of dude. He'd been in Iraq. She was worried about his head."

PTSD. Olivia could certainly relate. Even though she never met Luke, she immediately felt compassion for him. "That's too bad," she sighed.

"Yeah, but, anyway, I miss you guys and Jeff is bored."

"What is Jeff up to?"

"He helps his buddy renovate houses, but they're kinda in a lull right now with the holidays."

That gave Olivia an idea. "He might be able to help us out. All the apartments we've seen that are in our price range need some serious work done."

Sarah brightened even more, "Omigod, that's great. Well, I'll let you know if it's this weekend or next weekend and maybe Dad and Jeff can go check out some places?"

"Maybe. I don't think we're ready to move yet, but at least we'll know the potential costs."

Sarah frowned at some commotion occurring in front of her near what Olivia assumed was her office door. "Livvie," she groaned, "I think I have to go be an adult now. Boo." She blew Olivia a kiss, her typical Face Time sign off, and said, "Love ya!"

"Sarah had already disconnected herself, but Olivia whispered, "Love ya" back at the screen.

Sarah and Brooke. In some ways the Tucker girls made her feel more like a mother than Noah did. Brooke and Sarah texted her daily. Most of the messages were sent purely in good fun, but others were more serious. Brooke's job teaching middle school in the South Bronx was stressful, and she often spend her subway ride home venting to Olivia. Sarah's job was less intense and her emoji-filled texts mostly consisted of frivolous complaints about coworkers. Olivia quickly learned Brooke was the deep thinker and Sarah was the impulsive sweetheart. Ed once predicted her marriage to Jeff would not last.

"She'll either wear him out or she'll get tired of him," he pessimistically predicted. Olivia hoped he was wrong, but she couldn't help but see the theory's merit. Sarah dove in blindly and with reckless abandon; Brooke tested the waters first.

One night, a while ago, Ed offered to tell his daughters to ease up on their texts and calls to Olivia. Just as she had been wary about making Noah a part of his life, Ed fretted that his girls' affection for Olivia had come on too strong and too soon.

"I _like_ that they want to talk to me, Ed," Olivia had insisted.

Sarah and Brooke awakened a rarely used sisterly-maternal side of her. She could be a _girl_ with Ed's daughters without being a cop, although, she did sometimes have to be the voice of reason and temper Sarah's enthusiasm and Brooke's cynicism. She flipped through recent photos stored in her phone; her face was the epitome of contentment as she viewed the images. There was their selfie at Quinn's and the photo of all of them that night gathered around the dinner table. Noah, the only one not looking up, had his eyes fixed on the pizza. Ed and Olivia leaned against one another and flashed easy smiles. The sledding shots were next. Those were mainly of Noah, but Olivia's favorite was the one of Sarah and Noah doing a "no hands" pose as they sped down the slope on the saucer. Ed surprised her towards the end of the outing by requesting they take a run together. Olivia agreed, and as Brooke pushed them down the hill, Sarah snapped a picture. Their faces were only partially visible, but Ed's tight grip was evident. Olivia closed her eyes and revisited the moment…and the ensuing kiss at the bottom of the hill.

 _Sharing a saucer sled with Tucker. Yet another thing I never in a million years would have predicted would happen._ Olivia still did this. She couldn't help but compare the then and now with every "first" they experienced as a couple. Initially, she thought it was unhealthy, but Lindstrom assured her the opposite was true.

"Recognizing the path it took to get you to this place, Olivia, will only strengthen your bond," he had instructed her when she questioned whether or not those comparisons were healthy.

Ed and Noah returned home sooner than expected which was fine with her. Noah ran in, grubby from day care, and shouted "Mama" while Ed, weary from his IAB day hung his coat and collapsed into the armchair across from her.

"Hey," he said. Even in the throes of exhaustion, his eyes sparkled as he gazed at her.

"Hi."

"I hate to be like, the asshole, but, uh, what's for dinner?"

Olivia empathized. They had been subsisting on soup and bread lately and she, too, was ready for real food. "Chinese or Italian?"

"Italian."

"Carbonera or Chicken Parm?"

"Get both and share?"

"Absolutely." She plugged the order into her phone and waited for a confirmation.

"In bed?"

"Kind of messy."

Ed shrugged. "We'll deal with it. Put on a movie. You wanna watch _Cars_ , Noah?"

"M'Kweeeeen?"

"Yeah, bud."

"We watch M'Kween and Mater, Mama," Noah told Olivia assuredly.

She kissed him. "Ok, sweet Noah. Let's go get your jammies on."

Less than an hour later Ed and Olivia lay propped against several pillows, periodically passing plates back and forth, and sneaking quick, innocuous kisses. Noah was between them, sitting up with the assistance of his child-sized backrest pillow. He plucked pieces of plain pasta from a bowl merely out of obligation. The restaurant had thrown in complementary chocolate chip cookies which he'd spotted right away and were going to be consumed only when he'd eaten an acceptable amount of rotini. He routinely glanced over his shoulder quizzically.

 _Have I choked enough of this down yet?_

When the end credits rolled, Ed took Noah to the bathroom and used baby wipes to wipe the chocolate from his mouth and hands. After that, he handed Noah his toothbrush and supervised as the little boy somewhat awkwardly cleaned his teeth. Finished, Noah leaned over the sink for one final spit and rinse, and Ed playfully splashed water on his face. Noah cracked up.

He returned the clean boy to his mother for a goodnight kiss and then took him to bed.

"Here's Bernie," Ed said softly.

"Tuck in," Noah instructed.  
Ed diligently wedged Noah's fleece blanket between his tiny body and the mattress.

"You Dada not Tuck," Noah mused, the familiar vocabulary betraying the slightest bit of confusion about Ed's monikers.

"I was Tuck first," Ed said gently, speaking as if Noah were older, "I'll be your Daddy forever. You call me Tuck if you want, it doesn't matter to me...I love you so much buddy." He bent down to kiss Noah's forehead and he felt two little toddler hands clutch his neck.

"Love you, Dada," he mumbled sleepily.

Ed lingered for a few minutes as Noah drifted off into a deep slumber.

…..

Ed found Olivia in the kitchen rinsing their dinner plates.

"I was gonna do that, Liv."

She rearranged some glasses, shoved the last plate in the dishwasher, and turned it on. "I got it," she said casually.

Ed sat in one of the bar chairs, "He went right to sleep."

"He seems to be sleeping a lot lately. Is that normal?"

Ed was unfazed, "Just getting over a cold, no real nap at day care…"

"You're right."

"So," Ed began cautiously. He didn't want Olivia to think he was trying to pressure her for details about her session with Lindstrom, "Back at it tomorrow?"

"Yep. I'm good to go."

Ed rolled an apple back and forth across the countertop. "And only another week until Christmas."

Olivia studied him. _Ok, something is not right._ "We talked about you today," Olivia said breezily, trying to engage him, "well, we often discuss you and Noah, but today, the shrink was trying to _shrink you_ …remotely of course."

"Really." The Tucker _really—_ dry, sarcastic, rhetorical, but, secretly, he was pleased.

Olivia leaned over the counter, "I'm really sorry I didn't realize how scared you were." She intercepted the apple and took his hands in hers. "I know that fear, Ed, when you think something awful has happened to a person you love so much. I hate that you had to experience that and I especially hate that I was so…dismissive about it at the hospital."

"You didn't know."

"But I _should have known_ ," she insisted. "You're always so rock solid. You look out for me and for Noah, and I love and appreciate that about you. More than you'll ever know. But I have to remember that you're not immune to…fear."

Ed lifted his head. There was a desperate uneasiness in his blue eyes. "I told you…you don't have to get through this type of thing alone anymore."

"I know, but…there's more to it."

This he knew, and he also knew she was not going to let him wiggle out of the conversation. So, he let loose and spilled the larger truth, "Fear…that was one part…but the other part was anger with…I don't know… _God_? _Fate?_ I couldn't understand why it would take such a long, difficult time for us to _find_ each other and then, just like that, it's over."

Olivia rushed around to wrap him in her arms. He let out a relieved sigh and let himself collapse into her embrace. She was not the only one who recognized the serendipity of their pairing and, therefore, was hypersensitive about cherishing every moment together. Once again, unspoken emotions had to be hashed out, explored, resolved, and used to bolster the bonds they had been forging since that day last winter when Olivia accepted Tucker's drink offer.

"When you put it that way…it's even worse," she whispered, still cradling his head to her chest as if he were Noah. "That would be heartbreaking."

"For a minute, there, it was," Ed admitted. Olivia was still holding him close, "You're pretty good at this," he said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"At hugging you or at shrinking you?"

"Both."

"What about this?" She took his head in both hands and kissed him, gently at first and then with ferocity before breaking away for Ed's assessment.

His eyes were still closed as he asked, "Where'dja go?"

"More?"

He squeezed her buttocks with both hands and drew her back to him. "One of these days—" He had to pause as he wrestled with Olivia's tongue. "I…want—" The kiss deepened again. "To just stay…inbedwithyouallday."

She felt him growing hard against her, and all she could manage was a hoarse, "I want you _now_ " as she let her body fall against his, causing the chair to skid backwards.

She giggled a little but expertly kept her mouth on his, regained her balance, and manhandled him over to the couch while somehow managing to shimmy out of her pajama bottoms at the same time. She yanked off his jogging pants and gently pushed him down in a sitting position.

" _Olivia_ ," he groaned as she mounted him.

" _Yes_?"

His hands moved from her shoulders to her breasts and then to her face and, finally, her hair. He kissed her but kept talking, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

She would tell him later that she felt the same way, but at that moment the energy not spent on the actual sex was used in restraint. It took a concerted effort for her to hold in her shrieks.

….

"Noah, mommy's going to drop you off at day care this morning, and guess who's going to pick you up?" Olivia asked in a sing-songy voice.

Noah looked up from his breakfast. "Bwookey?"

"You got it, mister!" Olivia set a small duffle bag next to his Thomas backpack, "And guess where she's taking you?"

"Eat Pizza?" Noah guessed. Brooke-Noah pizza dates were common occurrences.

"Well, maybe, but…something else. What did you do with Jeff the last time he was here?"

Noah nearly propelled himself out of the high chair, "Icesate?"

"Right again, kiddo! Brookey's taking you skating!"

Noah's grin was so priceless Olivia took a quick picture and texted it to Brooke. Ed appeared, dressed in his usual dark suit, crisp white shirt, and tie.

"As much as I would rather stay with the two of you, I have to go. Early meeting at One PP," he grumbled.

"Problem?"

"I hope not. Community concerns at the Central Park precinct. I have no idea why they're calling us in." Ed turned his attention to Noah, "You have a good day at day care and have fun with Brookey."

"I go icesate with Bwookey, Dada. And eat pizza!"

Ed looked at Olivia.

"We're having pizza for dinner, I guess," she said.

"Fine with me," Ed replied. He mussed Noah's hair, "See ya later, bud. Love you."

"Love you Dada!"

Ed whispered in Olivia's ear as he hugged and kissed her goodbye, "Last night…"

"I know," she whispered back.

Another kiss.

"Amazing."

She kissed him once more and gently put her palms on his chest, "you better go…"

"Yeah," he looked her up and down suggestively, "or else you and I are gonna be _extremely_ late."

She smiled at him, "Good luck downtown."

"Thanks. Have a good day."

"Love you."

"Love you."

"LOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOU." The shouts were from Noah who was working himself into a frenzy and also maybe feeling a little left out.

"Ok, bud, we got it. Time to go."

"You go be police, Dada! You have the badge."

"Got it," he assured Noah. He gave the boy one last tender goodbye and left for work.

As Olivia readied herself and Noah, she saw the manila folder she'd picked up from Langan's office yesterday. She moved it from the dining table to the more conspicuous kitchen counter. They needed to get moving on the documents as soon as possible.

…

Hope you are enjoying my new little story…!

 **#Tuckson #EndHiatus #FinalFourEpsMayKillMe**


	3. Chapter 3

_Post-Paris; Post-Engagement; Olivia, Ed, and Noah are moving on with their lives… I wasn't sure where to put this one or if I should just post it as a oneshot. Decided to put it here…in my land reserved for a bit of #Tuckson darkness. Forgive me for errors in police procedure…ok, here goes..._

 **Switch**.

Ed and Olivia trailed the real estate agent through the apartment, only half listening to the property's specifications. They were awestruck by the high ceilings, spacious rooms, and immaculate views, even though much of the place needed renovating.

"It's got good bones," the agent said prior to entering, "just needs some updating. The former owner lived here for over thirty years. Renovated units in this building are going for over three million, so this one is really a steal if you want to put in some elbow grease."

Ed put his hand on Olivia's back, "It doesn't look too bad, just some paint. Kitchen probably needs the most work."

"And the bathrooms," Olivia added.

Excitement flooded Ed's face, "But two bedrooms, an office, and this floor plan? I don't think we'll find anything else like this in our price range."

Both the agent and Olivia nodded, endorsing the assessment. The apartment was in an older building, but resembled the newer lofts they'd toured. The living space was twice the size they had in Olivia's current place with an open kitchen, dining area, and living room. In addition to the two full bedrooms and baths, there was a small office and ample closet space.

Sold already, Ed continued, "We need to list my place." He'd owned his apartment for years and was sure to make a substantial profit since it was located in what had been one of the city's least desirable areas. Now, Hell's Kitchen real estate was in high demand.

The agent smiled, "Well, I have a few hours until my next appointment. We can go over there and talk about pricing. Two bedrooms?"

"Yeah, the second one is kinda tiny," Ed replied, "One and a half baths. Nothing flashy, but it's nice." He looked at Olivia, "What do you think?"

"About your apartment?"

He held his arms out, "About everything."

She took another lap around the living area, paused to take in the north-facing view, and turned around, resting her elbows on the sill. "I think we should move on it."

Ed broke into a wide grin and rushed over to where she was standing. The agent pretended not to notice as he wrapped Olivia in a bear-like embrace and kissed her firmly on the lips.

"Paris and now a new apartment?" Olivia mused playfully as he held her.

Ed misunderstood, "Do you want to wait on this?"

"Absolutely not," she replied confidently. "But, have you done renovations before?"

"I can paint," he said.

"And…everything else?"  
"I can call people."

She laughed, "Ok, Captain. Let's do this."

….

"Lieutenant Benson?"

Olivia turned from Noah's day care cubby and there stood a younger woman, probably mid-thirties, with whom she had only previously exchanged brief coming and going pleasantries. Olivia wasn't sure how she even knew her name.

"Hi," the woman said tentatively, holding out her hand. "I'm Camila Lee. My son, Diego, is in Noah's preschool class."

Olivia, who towered over Camila, shook her hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Do you mind if I walk out with you?"

Actually, Olivia did mind, she was later than usual, but the meekness in the request suggested something was awry. "Sure."

Camila wasted no time getting to the point. "I'm concerned about my former nanny."

Olivia stopped walking so she could face Camila. "What's the problem?"

"She was with us for about a year when she asked for a raise. We were already paying more than average, at least, according to the other families I talked to. We gave her holiday and birthday bonuses, and we even paid for her to see her family in Puerto Rico. We were _good to her_."

Olivia contorted her face, "You said she _was_ with you. What happened?"

"I felt bad saying no, but my husband, he wouldn't budge. She was crying, talking about her son and how she was trying to put him through school and everything, but he didn't see how to justify it. She only worked for us in the afternoons and sometimes on weekends and she was making the same as full time people. So, I suggested that we could add to her workload, and that way she could make more."

"And your husband agreed to this?"

Camila appeared ashamed, "I'm not…the best housekeeper. Now that we have three under three, well, I get behind on things. So, my husband agreed to pay her extra for laundry and some cleaning."

"Did she agree?"

"She did. For a few weeks. But then she demanded _more_ money, saying it was more work than she thought and it was impossible for her to watch the children and do housework. She would complain that we were _enslaving_ her. So…we had to let her go. I…I felt terrible because she does have a son…but it just wasn't working out. And my husband refused to give her a recommendation."

Olivia noticed Camila's eyes filling with tears. Obviously, there was more to the story. "Has she threatened you?"

Camila responded in a shaky voice, "She's been texting me, telling me we owe her severance or she's calculated her hours and we underpaid. And last night, she said she was coming over to pick up her things." She startled Olivia by grasping her arm tightly, "She doesn't _have_ anything at our apartment."

"May I see the texts?"

Camila handed the phone to Olivia, and the Lieutenant scanned the messages. Indeed, they began rather innocuously; the demands escalated, but they were erratic. The nanny threatened a lawsuit in one text, and then, in the next, was conciliatory, apologized, and begged to be rehired. She lamented that her son was suffering and lambasted the family for being cruel. She used the word "slave" more than once, but then expressed her misery at being away from the Lee's "three beautiful children." Olivia was alarmed. Clearly, the nanny was unstable and desperate, and she had a connection to the day care and preschool Noah attended.

Olivia requested that Camila send her screen shots of all the texts and then advised her to go immediately to Family Court to apply for an order of protection. "Do this _now_ ," Olivia emphasized. "The order will be served immediately. I'll call and let them know you're coming."

Camila nodded. "Thank you, Lieutenant Benson."

"You're welcome."

Camila hurried off, and Olivia placed a call to Judge Linden's administrative assistant and advised her of the situation. "I need that order signed and delivered _today_ ," Olivia instructed. "The complainant's name is Camila Lee. She's on her way down there now."

"Got it," the assistant replied, "I'll be waiting for her."

"Thanks."

Satisfied the situation was under control, Olivia headed towards the precinct.

…

Later that evening after dinner, Olivia sat on the couch and rummaged through Noah's backpack. She paged through his folder and removed his artwork, a newsletter, and a field trip permission slip. Included among the finger painted construction paper was a folded piece of cardstock. A pre-cut rocket was glued to the front. In the rocket's "window," was a picture of a jubilant Noah. Olivia opened the card and read the message.

 _I love you to the moon and back! Happy Father's Day!_

Below the message, Noah scribbled what was supposed to be his name.

"Noah, did you make this for Ed?"

He ran over to her, "Yeah, I make this at school. Make the chain, too."

"The chain?"

He grabbed the backpack and nearly stuck his whole head inside before he remembered something and tried to unzip the front pocket. "Chain's in here."

Olivia opened the pocket and took out a plaster disk connected to a key ring. On one side of the disk was Noah's fingerprint, and on the other side one of the teachers had neatly printed his name and "Father's Day 2016."

"Oh, wow!" Olivia cooed, "He's going to love this, Noah! We'll get a box and wrap it for him, ok?"

"Ok."

She put the school items aside and took Noah into her lap. He squirmed at first, anxious to get back to his toys, but then gave up and sat back in Olivia's arms. She told him all about the new apartment and his bigger room. "And we'll all live there together, me, you, and Ed."

"Ed live here."

Olivia laughed a little bit. Ed had been de facto living with them since Paris, but he was still shuttling back and forth between apartments for more clothes or forgotten items. Noah, though, was accustomed to having him around at night and in the mornings.

"Where _is_ Ed?"

"He's working."

"At police?"

"Yes. You'll be asleep when he comes back, but he'll be here in the morning."

"I give him the chain tomorrow?"

"No, that's Sunday. Three more days." Olivia kissed Noah's head. "It's _so_ nice you made him a present and a card."

"Yeah. It's _blue_."

"You and Ed love blue, don't you?"

"Uh-huh."

Olivia held out her left hand, "Remember the ring? Ed gave it to me in Paris?"

Noah nodded.

"It means we're getting married, we're family, but it also means Ed wants to be your Daddy forever and ever."

"Yeah, he does," Noah replied matter-of-factly and, once again, restlessly tried to escape Olivia's grasp.

"Ok, sweet boy, go back to your toys. Bedtime soon though."

Noah resumed playing while Olivia found a hiding spot for the gifts.

…..

The sun was rising when Ed trudged into the apartment. He tiptoed into the bedroom, stowed his weapon, and changed clothes, but he was too hopped up on adrenaline to go to bed. For nearly twenty hours he led negotiations with a man holding his girlfriend at knifepoint and threatening to leap from a twenty-story apartment building; it was the most tense scenario he'd been a part of since he transferred, and he was elated it ended peacefully.

He gave Olivia a gentle kiss on the head and gazed adoringly at her as her lips curled into a faint smile.

"Hey," she greeted him in a voice raspy with sleep.

"Go back to sleep, Liv. I didn't mean to wake you."

"What time is it?"

"Five."

She mumbled something unintelligible. Ed kissed her again and went to the kitchen to make coffee and check his email. He was waiting for the realtor to get back to him about their offer on the new apartment and his listing, but his inbox was empty. Tapping his fingers on the countertop, he looked around for something to do. Olivia went to bed and left the place a little unkempt—Noah's things were everywhere, his backpack was open with its contents spilling out, her briefcase and a stack of accordion files were dumped on the dining table, and outgoing dry cleaning was piled on top of Noah's car seat. Ed rifled through the garments, heartened she'd included his things. _Why wouldn't she?_ He questioned himself and then shrugged. It was going to take some time to get used to having someone thinking of him all the time.

Dinner must have been pasta; the colander was still in the sink with dried pieces of fettucine stuck to the sides. Ed tried to flick them off with a knife, but the pieces seemed irreversibly affixed to the stainless steel. He ran the water and added dish soap. A soak would do the trick.

Just as he'd finished putting Noah's toys back in the toy box, he heard movement from the little boy's room. Eager for company, Ed walked briskly back there and found Noah sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Hey, pal!" Ed said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Noah didn't respond verbally, but he snuggled up to Ed, still groggy. Ed tousled his hair and kissed the top of his head. "You wanna watch some cartoons?" Noah nodded. Ed attempted to lead him out of the room by the hand, but Noah dug in his heels and lifted his arms.

"Up, Ed."

Obliging the request, Ed picked him up, slinging him playfully over his shoulder. Noah responded with giggles, gradually becoming more alert.

The two of them were still on the couch when Olivia finally emerged. She should have been more cognizant of the time, but she wasn't. She cuddled next to Ed and Noah as if she had nowhere else to be.

"When did you get home?"

"A couple hours ago…you don't remember?"

"Vaguely. How'd things go?"

"Great. Talked him down."

Olivia kissed his cheek, "Well done, Captain."

"Chief Gabriel, though, the ESU guy, man, he's quick to get tactical."

"And you're not." It was a statement, not a question.

"The whole point of hostage negotiation is to _avoid_ that."

"You'll get used to working together," Olivia replied optimistically.

"You know…I investigated three of his guys when I was in IAB?"

Olivia and Ed had talked about the potential challenges he would face if something like this occurred. In his years at IAB, he'd investigated maybe thousands of complaints and conducted hundreds of interrogations. It didn't matter where he transferred, there was sure to be bad blood with someone in his new unit. "Do you think he's holding a grudge?"

"Probably, they were cleared, I'd like to think not, but…"

She held him tighter, "I know."

Ed kissed her forehead. If _Olivia Benson_ could move on from his past, then, surely, Chief Gabriel could. It would take time-just as it had taken time to win her over-for him to prove himself as a negotiator and shake off the bitterness of his time at IAB. He did miss Cole, though. At least the two of them were collectively despised.

"I'm just gonna stay home with him today," Ed said, nodding towards Noah who was transfixed by animation.

"Are you sure? You haven't slept since last night. Let me take him to day care and you can get him early if you want."

Ed pondered this and assessed his fatigue. He still didn't feel tired, but the inevitable crash would come at some point. "You're right," he conceded, "but I'll take him. You must be late."

Olivia checked the time. "Not yet, but almost."

"Friday night," Ed reminded her, "Where to?"

"Someplace with a patio," Olivia replied, "The weather's gorgeous."

"You're gorgeous."

She gave him a stern yet flattered look and headed for the shower.

…..

Lieutenant Benson's Friday proceeded uneventfully, and she was just about to sneak out early and leave the newly installed Sergeant Tutuola in charge for the weekend when Camila Lee showed up in her office. Carisi escorted her in.

"Uh, Lieutenant, she says she knows you?"

Olivia peered up at them and removed her glasses, "Yes, Camila, come on in. Thanks Carisi." She motioned for the woman to have a seat and asked, "Is everything ok?"

"Well, um, for the moment, but, I called my husband before I went to family court, and he said he didn't want me to file an order of protection."

Olivia, shocked, quickly shot back, "Why not?"

"Some tax thing. He didn't go into detail, but he was furious that I was about to go in to see the judge."

Olivia wondered why Judge Linden's assistant failed to tell her Camila hadn't shown, but, more importantly, she was bewildered that Mr. Lee was willing to sacrifice the safety of his family for what would probably amount to a slap on the wrist from the Internal Revenue Service. "So, she's undocumented," Olivia surmised.

"Yes."

"Listen, Camila, go home and talk to your husband. Tell him how afraid you are. Explain to him that there is almost no chance Family Court and the IRS will compare notes. Has he seen the texts? Does he fully understand what's going on?"

"Yes," she said desperately, "he's seen everything, but I have a _feeling_. He's not around enough, so, no, I don't think he fully understands."

Olivia took a deep breath. "Is he home? I'm willing to come and talk to him."

Camila frowned, "He's not home. He's at a work function until late tonight."

"Where are your kids?"

"At home with our new sitter."

"Ok, well, go home, make sure your doorman knows not to let your former nanny in, and," Olivia produced a business card, "Call me if you need something. But make sure you talk to your husband."

"Thank you, Lieutenant Benson."

"You're welcome. Listen, I'll walk you out."

"Thanks." Camila sounded truly grateful, "On another note, did you see the cute keychains the kids made for Father's Day?"

"Yes, so adorable."

"My husband probably won't use it much, but, hopefully, he'll play along for a couple days."

Olivia tried not to frown or scoff at Camila's description of her husband's lack of sentimentality. She was one-hundred percent confident that the plaster disc would have to break before Ed jettisoned it from his key ring.

….

Olivia, Ed, and Noah were seated at a patio table munching on an appetizers—calamari for Olivia and Ed and potato skins for all three of them. Calamari was a food Olivia introduced to Ed when they first began seeing one another, and he balked at first but quickly relented. Now, he ordered it wherever it was offered on the menu.

"I'm not sure we need to order much more than this," Olivia said, taking a sip of her orange-garnished hefeweizen, "I'm getting full already."

Ed glanced at the specials board, "We can split a burger or something. No, you want a burger or chicken fingers?"

"Bugger," he replied enthusiastically, "And frefries."

"You got it, bud." He noticed Olivia shredding her cocktail napkin absentmindedly. "Liv, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, ah, well, do you know the Lees?"

Ed looked back at her blankly, "Lees?"

"Their son is in day care with Noah."

"I don't think I know them."

"The mom is tiny, cute, Brazilian I think, her name's Camila?" Ed maintained his clueless expression, and Olivia continued, "Anyway, she's having trouble with her ex-nanny and I told her to get a protection order, I thought she was going to do it, but she told me today her husband was against the idea."

Ed acknowledged he missed nearly a full day of their lives, but this was some seriously heavy information Olivia had been keeping from him. "What kind of trouble?"

Olivia told him everything Camila told her and showed him the texts.

"Nothing there that's chargeable," He mused and then screwed up his face, "But why in the hell would the husband say no?"

"Nanny's illegal."

Tucker was still frowning, "So what? Family court won't ask about that."

"That's pretty much what I told her."

"What an asshole."

Olivia glanced at Noah who was busy coloring and didn't appear to be paying attention.

"Sorry," Ed muttered.

Olivia brushed it off, "I offered to go over there and talk to him, but he's away for the night…so I told her to notify the doorman."

"That's all you can do."

"Yeah."

He reached over to hold her hands, "Hey, lookit me." She met his eyes, "That's. All. _You_. Can. Do. For right now. Ok?"

Olivia blinked and looked down at their hands. "Ok."

"So let's talk about something else."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact the owners of that apartment accepted our offer."

Olivia smiled broadly, disbelievingly, "Are you serious?"

"Yes. And…there is already some interest in my place."

Ed and Olivia beamed at one another before Ed just couldn't take it anymore and leaned over for a kiss. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you."

…..

"Captain, we got a call. ESU's on scene at Fifty-first and Ninth. We got an adult female barricaded in a bedroom with two kids."

Tucker abandoned his paperwork from the previous hostage crisis, donned his vest, and grabbed his cell and radio. "Notify them we're en route."

The Sergeant sped to the location, sirens blaring, and they hustled through the barricades to where Chief Gabriel and the local precinct's Captain were set up.

"What's the situation?" Tucker asked Gabriel.

"Female hostage taker is reportedly in a secondary bedroom with two children, ages three and almost two. Suspect has a gun and demanded the babysitter and mother leave the apartment. No visual, she has the blinds drawn and the lights off."

"Have you made contact?"

"She's not picking up."

"Then I'm going in."

Chief Gabriel nodded. The apartment was accessible, and closer proximity could possibly work in Tucker's favor. An ESU officer rattled off other details as they made their way to the unit.

"The 911 caller was the mother, Camila Lee. She returned home and found the former nanny in the apartment with the new nanny."

Ed felt like he'd been punched in the stomach as he remembered last night's conversation. He swallowed hard, opting to keep Olivia's involvement out of it for now. "How'd she get up there?"

"We talked to the new nanny. She was frantic. Apparently there had been prior problems with the old nanny, but she didn't know. Let her in as she was bringing the two older kids back from day care."

 _Noah's day care._

"There are more kids?"

"A baby. Mom had her."

"And the two kids, what are their names?"

"Diego and Nicky. Both boys. Nanny's name is Yarely Pacheco."

"Nanny speak English?"

"Yes."

Tucker thought about what Olivia had already told him and debated whether or not to call in one of the few female negotiators. He radioed the chief. "Gabriel, you may wanna call in a female as a secondary here," he suggested.

"Copy that."

"Spanish speaker."

"Copy."

Tucker and the ESU Sergeant entered the apartment gingerly. The Sergeant pointed down a hallway and Tucker followed him, trying not to make any sudden, loud noises. When they came to the closed bedroom door, he softly called the nanny's name, "Yarely?"

"Who's there?"

"Yarely, I'm Ed. I'm here to check on you and the kids. Everyone ok?"

"We're fine."

Ed pressed his ear to the door and tried to discern any sounds from the kids. "Yarely, will you have the kids say something?"

Ed heard a whimper and then a weakly uttered, "Mommy."

"Is that you, Diego?"

Silence, and then a soft, "Yes."

"Yarely, is Nicky there with you, too?"

Ed heard a yelp and another whimper, but this one was different from Diego's. Apparently both boys were alive and well for the time being. Tucker went through preliminaries before they got to the core issue which led to such drastic measures.

"Ya know, I understand what it's like to be broke," he was chatting easily now, seated with his back against the wall, "My fiancée and I, we're trying to buy this new apartment, but, New York real estate, it's a bitch, you would think they'd give us police officers a break, ya know?"

Yarely muttered a few sentences about the cost of living in the city. Ed felt better. His spirits were further raised when she mentioned her son. He asked her more about him until she became slightly agitated about the cost of college. "Yeah, I understand," He said soothingly, "We have a little boy. Raising kids. It's hard, but, you know, when they smile at you, it's all worth it."

"How old's your little boy?" She asked.

"Two and a half." He wasn't about to mention their connection to Diego for fear that Yarely would conjure up ideas about some sort of conspiracy, but he did see an opening for a possible exchange.

"You know, Yarely, I can help you. I can get you what you need."

"I need money."

"Sure, whatever you want." Ed was momentarily distracted. The Sergeant was holding his cell phone for Ed to see.

 _SWAT has a rappel team ready to go in._

Ed set his jaw in a classic Tucker scowl. Again, Gabriel was trying to get his guys in there unnecessarily. He was confident Yarely was calm and that he could convince her to release the kids, so he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Gabriel and showed it to the Sergeant.

 _I need more time. She's backing off._

"Tell me the number," Ed called through the door.

"What they owe me."

"How much do they owe you?"

"Five thousand."

A trivial number. They could have that in the apartment within minutes. "Ok," Ed said, "I'll get you the money, but I'm gonna need the kids, Yarely. Money for the kids."

"You get me the five thousand, I give you Diego. Nicky stays."

Tucker fired off another text and made sure the Sergeant saw it, too. "Fine. When the money gets here, you'll give us Diego and we'll go from there, ok?"

"Ok."

The Sergeant showed Ed his phone screen again.

 _And, Nicky?_

Tucker sent a quick reply. _One step at a time. Let me assess on the exchange._ Tucker planned to see if he could singlehandedly disarm the nanny and grab both Nicky and Diego as he handed off the money. In the meantime, TARU brought miniscule listening devices to place in the door jamb and more ESU officers filtered into the apartment. As Tucker predicted, the five thousand arrived quickly.

"Yarely, your money's here. Is it ok if I come in?"

Silence.

"Yarely? I have your money. Remember our deal. You give us Diego, I give you the money."

Tucker was standing now, waiting for her response.

Nothing.

Complete silence.

"Yarely?"

More silence. Not even a cry from the kids. Tucker couldn't hear breathing. Dead Silence.

" _Captain_ ," The Sergeant hissed into his ear, "Gabriel's sending in the tac teams. Standby."

Tucker opened his mouth to object, but he was too late. The sound of breaking glass, the subsequent breaking down of the bedroom door, and then two gurgled shrieks interrupted the stillness. The heavily armored ESU guys froze as Tucker and the Sergeant rushed to the bloodied bodies of the children. Another agent disarmed and cuffed the nanny. The boys were still alive, eyelids fluttering slightly from shock or pain or both.

"Dammit," Tucker muttered under his breath. He grabbed his radio, "We need EMTs up here _now_. Stab wounds, massive blood loss, get up here _now_. Secure the weapon!" He shouted before ripping off his vest and removing his shirt. He applied pressure to the older boy's wounds while simultaneously starting CPR. The Sergeant did the same with the younger one, but, after a few attempts, he rocked back on his knees and put his face in his hands.

Tucker continued pumping Diego's chest and breathing into his mouth. "C'mon, buddy, stay with me," he muttered desperately. Diego was just a few months older than Noah, but his body looked and felt smaller as the color drained from his face and life vanished from his eyes. When the EMTs arrived, Tucker reluctantly let them take over, knowing their efforts were probably too little too late.

Both boys were gone.

Chief Gabriel appeared in the room. "What the hell happened?"

Tucker glared at him and seethed, "Why'd you order your guys in? I told you it was under control."

"It wasn't under control, Tucker. We got the money and she went dead."

"No, the kids are dead."

The two men stared at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Tucker pushed past him before abruptly turning on his heel. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me she had a knife?"

Gabriel looked truly regretful. "I didn't know. The 911 caller said she had a gun."

Tucker clenched his jaw and went after the Chief, grabbing him by the collar, "There _was_ no fucking gun. If you wanted to set me up to look incompetent, you coulda done it any other time, you bastard. But now two little boys are dead. _Happy_?"

Gabriel pushed him away, "Get _off_ me."

Tucker put a finger in his face, "This is on _you_ , Chief. This blood," Tucker gripped his blood-soaked t-shirt and shoved it in his face, "Is. On. You."

Tucker stalked out of the apartment, ignoring the various people calling after him.

"Captain!"

"Captain Tucker, wait!"

"Cap?"

He ignored everyone and found the stairwell. Instead of descending, he climbed up to the rooftop. His head was fuzzy, clouded. Anger surged through his body and he bit down hard on the insides of his mouth until he felt pain and tasted the warm, salty saliva that preceded blood. On his way to the ledge he kicked a lounge chair, and, having entangled his shoe in the slats, wrestled it free and tossed it aside. Below, police cruisers, ambulances, and satellite trucks sat parked at odd, sporadic angles, the kind of park jobs that indicated something devastating had happened. Tucker pressed his eyes shut and massaged his forehead.

"Fuck."

 _Did this just happen? Did I just see two toddlers bleed out in front of me?_ He patted his pockets, searching for his phone. He thought he'd felt the vibrations, but maybe not. _Where is the fucking phone goddammit?_

"Tucker?"

Ed snapped his head in the direction of the voice. It was a uniformed officer.

"What?"

"Uh, the Sarge wanted me to bring this to you, and, uh—"

He swiped the phone from the teenage-looking cop. "Make sure I'm not about to take a header off the building?"

"Uh, not exactly, sir, um—"

Tucker waved him away. "Just go." _Fuck. They must really want me gone if they're sending a rookie to talk me down._ He paid no attention to previous messages or calls. He dialed Olivia.

She didn't waste time with preliminaries, "Ed, oh my God, are you ok? I heard everything over the radio, are the kids ok?"

"No, Liv," he croaked, "No, they're not."

"Oh _no_."

The two of them just listened to one another breathe for what seemed like an eternity.

"I'm coming," she said."

"No, no, don't do that. I'm coming home."

"Now? What about—"

"Fuck them," Ed interjected, "They can fucking wait to debrief me."

"Ok," Olivia said hesitantly, "Just…come right home, Ed. Are you sure you don't want me to meet you?"

"No. I'm fine. I just need to get out of here."

….

Olivia gasped when she saw the blood. Not only was his t-shirt covered in it, there were streaks on his arms, hands, and face. It was worse than she'd seen on Chief Dodds. She was immediately grateful that Noah had fallen asleep early.

"Ed, baby…" She was at a loss for words and immediately felt bad about that. He was always so cool and calm with her when she was hurting, now that he needed support, she faltered.

He stood, frozen, in the foyer, arms hanging straight down and a hollow expression on his face. She'd never seen him so pale.

She dared to grab hold of his hand. "Ed?"

Finally, he showed signs of life, blinking and then squeezing her hand. "I…" he stammered, "I…tried." Then, he convulsed against her in sobs. He didn't want to do this. He had _never_ done this—cry in front of anyone before—but he had never seen anything so horrific in his entire career, at least not that he could remember at the moment. And he could've prevented it. He had a handle on it; he was doing his job; he was diffusing the situation, talking her down, about to end things peacefully, but Chief Gabriel wrestled that away from him, and, in the process of asserting his authority, got two little boys killed. They moved to the couch and the details spilled out in spurts as Olivia cradled his head, rubbed circles on his back, and shed tears along with him.

"Ed," she whispered once he'd finished venting and calmed down, "Let's get you cleaned up, ok? Come on."

He followed her to the bathroom. Olivia turned on the shower and steam soon filled the room. She lifted the bloody shirt from his body and tossed it aside. Next, she removed his pants and underwear and lifted each ankle to peel off his socks. She gently pushed him towards the shower, but he clung to her.

"Are you coming in with me?" She raised an eyebrow and he clarified. "I just want you close, that's all Liv, I don't want you out of my sight right now."

…

Sleep had not come easily. After the shower, Ed lay next to Olivia and alternated between more gripes about Chief Gabriel and, more seriously, questions about how the Lee family would ever recover from losing two young children.

"That guy," Ed had said as if the words tasted bad, "he's never gonna forgive himself."

"Probably not," Olivia agreed.

"That little boy, Diego, I saw him…slip away…and it was like I was seeing Noah."

" _Ed_ …"

"How could she do that? The money was _there_. How could Gabriel order that without talking to me first? Why did that nanny let her in in the first place?" He asked question after question, and Olivia knew from experience that he didn't expect answers. There were no satisfactory answers anyway. All she could do was keep him in her arms until he fell into a fitful sleep.

Guilt prevented Olivia from drifting into slumber. Part of the reason Ed transferred to hostage negotiation was for her—so that there was no conflict of interest if IAB had to investigate her squad. Sure, he said he was unhappy and the job no longer satisfied him, but it was still his home for nearly two decades and he jumped ship while he was in his comfort zone. He chose this, he chose to inject himself in these life-or-death scenarios, and this particular one was unimaginably tragic, and, according to him, completely preventable. Ironically enough, Tucker and Gabriel would have to be interrogated by IAB in order for the media and the public to assign blame and clear the innocent. Olivia wholeheartedly believed her fiancée's version of events; she only hoped whoever was assigned to the case was not vindictive when Ed was on the other side of the table.

He had fallen asleep with his head just under her chin. She was supporting most of his weight with one arm, and even though it was slightly uncomfortable, she endured.

It was her turn to be the rock.

…

Ed slept well into the late morning hours. Each time he found himself ambling out of sleep, he forced himself back and managed to eke out another hour or so before waking up again. At eleven-thirty, he decided he'd been in hibernation long enough and dragged himself to the living room.

"Hi Ed!" Noah exclaimed and scampered over to him, hugging his legs before being hoisted in the air.

"Hi, bud! Gimme a hug!" Noah wrapped his arms tightly around Ed's neck. "Aw, that's great! Thanks, little man."

Olivia had been on the couch, but she got up, kissed Ed, and started the Kuerig. "Noah, what did we decide we would say to Ed when he got up?"

"Happy Favvers Day!" Noah ran over to the side table and pulled his card from the drawer. He brought it to Ed. "This for you."

Tucker's hands shook as he ran his fingers over the rocket ship and smiled through tears at Noah's joyful face. When he read the message on the inside and saw Noah's scribbles, his eyes spilled over. Olivia darted over to him, held his face in her hands, and kissed away the tears; it was a move he'd used on her a few times before. Now, it was her turn to mop those tears. He pressed his forehead to hers in a silent thank-you. He tried not to think about Mr. Lee's card.

Noah interrupted the moment by tugging on Ed's pants and jumping up and down with excitement. He held a box wrapped in metallic blue paper.

"This for you, too!"

Ed looked at Olivia. "I don't know if I can handle anything else today."

Olivia winked at him. "You'll love it."

Ed unwrapped the gift and smiled as he held the keychain in the air for examination. "Wow, No! Lookit this! And it has your fingerprint on it! Get my keys from the table over there. I'm gonna put it on right now."

Noah brought the keys, and Ed wound the new keychain around another ring. "You know what? I'm gonna use that ring for our new house key."

"We get a new house?"

Ed sat him on the counter so they were face-to-face. "Yep, we're getting a new house." He smoothed Noah's hair. "Thank you for the card and the keychain, bud. I love you."

Noah tried to muss Ed's short hair, and, as he did, he murmured, "Love you, Daddy."

It didn't register at first, but, when it did, Ed's eyes glassed over with tears again. _Daddy_. Noah called him Daddy for the first time on the day he probably needed it most.

Olivia grinned and went over to hug him from behind. She kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear.

"Happy Father's Day."

Ed leaned back into her, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

Everything was going to be ok.

…

 _I don't really like writing stuff like this…but I've had the idea since the finale. Hope it didn't suck too much. Back to fluff. Peace!_


End file.
